"It has been said by some cynic, maybe it was a former president,
'If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.' Well, we took
them literally - that advice, as you know. But I didn't need
that because I have Barbara Bush."
"I have no idea what White House statement was issued, but I stand
behind it 100 percent."
"I had a great idea this morning, but I didn't like it."
"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
"Life is indeed precious, and I believe the death penalty helps
affirm this fact."
"Please provide the date of your death."
" We are going to have the best-educated American people in the
"Open seven days a week, excluding Sundays!"
"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
"All I was doing was appealing for an endorsement, not suggesting
you endorse it."
"The best example of all, to me, that our problems are both
personal and cultural and political and social is the whole
condition of the middle class economically."
"I was nearly an orphan myself. I had only one mother and one
"I do expose my body, but only because I think people should have
something nice to look at."
"Weíve all had hypothermia at times on [Baywatch]. David Charvet
almost had to be hospitalized. But itís easier for me to endure
the cold because Iím an owner of the show and Iím the
"We have a marriage, like a father and son."
"Cheating is out of the question. Sure, Frank sees sexy flight
attendants and businesswomen when he flies around the country.
But the only come-on he gets anymore is 'Címon, Frank, show us a
picture of Cody'."
"The Hall of Fame ceremonies are on the 31st and 32nd of June."
"I love home openers, whether theyíre at home or on the road."
Waiter: Do you want a shrimp cocktail?
"Leo (Leonardo DiCaprio) knows heís got sex appeal and he knows
how to use it. Yet he doesnít think heís gorgeous. And to me, heís
simply smelly, farty Leo."
"My goals are to hit .300, score 100 runs, and stay
"There was a bug in the place that I was trying to kill. This
thing had tried to attack me and tried to suck my blood- a big
cockroach. And I tried to get it. I tried to whack it. Iíd miss
and smash a lamp."
"The Houston Astros are the youngest team in the National League
if you judge by age."
"The pitcher has a blister on the index hand of his pitching
"From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I have
ever seen on a running back."
"Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't go see it."
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with
"You wouldn't have won if we had beaten you."
"We expect them (Salvadoran officials) to work toward the
elimination of human rights."
"I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our
"They've managed to keep their unemployment low although their
overall unemployment is high."
"I feel my best when I'm happy."
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word
and one word only: Super Bowl."
"I was unhappy ... but it's over, done, water under the dam."
Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared !!!
The Benefits of Being Female
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